totes clutch

Note from the bloggers: due to certain events that transpired in the last week Albatross will be blogging on Wednesdays and Seagull will take Sundays. If there are further changes you will be sure to know.  Much love ~ A&S ♥

Totes are totes a thing. Yes, I just used the word totes in place of ‘totally’. I’m sick like that. Don’t act a fool and let my college degree (or pursuit thereof) trick you into thinking I’m not swagtastically on fleek with the e’erday lingo of the people.

This clutch appears to be a masquerading flask. Not to mention it's $98.
This clutch appears to be a masquerading flask. Not to mention it’s $98.

But back to the totes.

They are a thing – as are clutches. You know, the diminutive bedazzled handbaggies that lack room for anything practical and yet are still somehow an essential part of appearing “put together” (whatever that means)? Yes. Those.

They’re absurd. They’re impractical. You take a few pictures then drop them asap on a chair where they remain for the duration of the evening.

And I want to push the absurdity.

Take it to the extreme! If your clutch is superfluous don’t pretend it’s not. In fact, grab any random useless object: HELLO UPCYCLING! And, as always, fear not! There’s something for everyone.

Option #1 // The Ruby Bird |Mom’s. Like, try Pottery Barn or something|

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The pottery bird I model in this series is a complementary color to my top: each makes the other really POP. There is a wide array of ways to tote such a piece of art to inform passersby of my artsy-fartsy side. Also, the last photo reveals that if I need to carry some change or a tube of chapstick, I’m not SOL!

Option #2 // Buffalo Bill |Priceless gift|

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My personal favorite.

My godfather-grandfather collected a set of exquisitely carved creatures and I inherited this particularly stupendous bison. This variation of the clutch declares my strength, durability, and Midwest-American pride, like a salute to the great man from whom I received it.

Option #3 // Bird Cage |€10 at a Belgian market|

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I did a test run with this variation at Benedictine College – there has never been a day where one of my accessories garnished so much notice. I met many new, curious people that day by being boldly fashunable! Overall, an incredible success. Recommended for our easy-going free spirit types and those looking to meet new people.

Option #4 // The Clog |also borrowed from Mom… who got it in the Netherlands|

RICOH IMAGINGThe clog is vintage. It’s rural. It’s quirky. AND it can actually carry a few things. Like my wallet (as seen here). A bit functional – but not too much. For our in-between types.

Option #5 // Shower Caddy |Comes in various colors at Walmart: $6|


And for our folks who absolutely HAVE to be always and in every way practical – fear not, we’ve got you covered like an Islamic woman’s burka. This versatile version of the tote allows you to carry all the things. Demonstrated here, I have managed to fit wallet, phone, hand fan, pens, chapstick, tablet, notebook, and the 718 page The Brothers Karamozov. The Shower Caddy also has a kind of beachy vibe if you’re into that sort of thing.

What have you got lying around your house that could be upcycled to a totally useless but unique and eye-catching clutch? Get in the game and donate that old sequined thing from middle school in favor of something better. Comment with a picture of you and your re-imagined clutch or inspirational tote.

Better fashun for a better tomorrow.


Channeling my inner Florence Nightengale.  Because #inspiration.  Who inspires you?  #currencycandidate?
Channeling my inner Florence Nightengale. Because #inspiration. Who inspires you?

3 thoughts on “totes clutch

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